


Perchance To Dream

by Smokedcapybara



Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-03-08 11:30:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18893749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smokedcapybara/pseuds/Smokedcapybara
Summary: Moomintrolls and their soulmates share dreams, starting at a young agenot that that makes things any easier





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> “You must be my soulmate!” It repeated. “All Moomins have one and we meet them in dreams!”  
> The Mymble-child looked back at the lake. So this was a dream, that explained it.  
> “Oh.”  
> They cast their fishing line back out into the lake.

The small Mymble-child blinked at the lake before them in confusion. They were quite certain they’d only just been in the hollow behind the tree in the yard a moment ago. They’d been planning to spend the night there because the bedroom always felt too small and loud, but now the sky was light and they seemed to be sitting on a hill. And they were holding a fishing rod.

They had no idea how they got there, but they figured they might as well see if they’d caught anything.

As they reeled the fishing line back up something fluffy and white rolled down the hill next to them. When it came to a stop the Mymble-child realized it was some manner of creature, about the same size as them and covered in white fur.

The Whatever-it-is grinned up at the Mymble-child from behind it’s large nose and spoke.

“You must be my soulmate!”

The Mymble-child nearly dropped their fishing rod and stared down at the Whatever-it-is in shock.

“ _What?”_ They asked.

The Whatever-it-is rolled onto its belly, holding its head up on its stubby arms to look at the Mymble-child properly.

“You _must_ be my soulmate!” It repeated. “All Moomins have one and we meet them in dreams!”

The Mymble-child looked back at the lake. So this was a dream, that explained it.

“Oh.”

They cast their fishing line back out into the lake.

~~

The Half-Mymble reeled his fishing line in. Nothing, like always.

He knew, from years of trying, that he would never catch anything in the Dream-Lake but refused to let that stop him from trying.

The Moomin was late. Of course, the two of them never seemed to arrive at the same time and one would always be left to wait for the other. It was quite inconvenient.

As was normal, he heard the Moomin before he saw him. Not to say the Moomin was very loud - unless talking about something he was especially passionate about - just that he wasn’t exactly _quiet_ either. No matter how hard he tried to be.

The Half-Mymble waited for the Moomin to settle beside him before he spoke.

“I don’t think I much like the thought of being someone’s soulmate.”

It was something he’d given a lot of thought over the past couple years - more than he would ever care to admit. He knew the Moomin would be unhappy about it, but he didn’t much care. He didn’t have choice in this situation so he might as well make his feelings about it all known.

“What?”

The response was confused more than upset, which he supposed fit what he knew of the Moomin more. But he was sure that would change as soon as the full extent of his feelings became plain.

“I don’t want to be your soulmate.” A small pause. “Or anyone’s soulmate.”

“Why not?”

The confusion had yet to make way for any worse emotions, giving the Half-Mymble the courage to go on.

“I hate the thought of being tied down to some person without any choice in the matter. I don’t care who the person is. I value my freedom more than anything and the soulbond is a prison keeping me from it!”

He knew he’d gotten a little too emotional towards the end of his mini-rant but couldn’t bring himself to care. He felt lighter after letting it all out. Though there was still the worry of how the Moomin would react.

“Oh.”

Silence stretched for long enough after that that he braved a glance at his companion. The Moomin seemed deep in thought, head propped up on one hand with the other folded in front of him.

“Ok.”

The Half-Mymble blinked. “Ok?”

“Ok.” The Moomin nodded decisively. “My mamma told me once about an herb that can stop soulmate dreams, I could take that and then you won’t have to deal with any of this anymore.”

That was not what the Half-Mymble had expected.

“But what about you?” He said before he could get his thoughts in order. “You love having a soulmate! You’d just _give that up_ just like that?”

The Moomin sat up. “Well, it’d make me very sad of course.” His head snapped up to look at the Half-Mymble as he rushed to continue. “But there’s no point to the whole being soulmates if _you_ aren’t happy with it too.” There was a short pause and he added in a softer voice, “I want you to be happy. So if taking the herb to stop our soulmate dreams is what will make you happy I’ll do it.”

The Half-mymble looked back out over the Dream-Lake, gratitude filling his chest.

“Thank you. I’d appreciate that very much.”

~~

The next night the Half-Mymble didn’t find himself by the Dream-Lake when he closed his eyes. Instead he had the regular kind of dreams and woke the morning after with a smile. The Moomin had kept his word.

~~

Snufkin sat in his tent playing his harmonica and wishing he hadn’t already drunk the last of his coffee.

The best thing about coffee, he mused, is that it keeps you awake.

It had been many years since the dreams had ended and yet every morning after a full night of the regular kind of dreams was a sharp reminder of the young Moomin who had so willingly given up the soulmate he’d so eagerly wanted just so Snufkin could be a little more free.

Obviously it hadn’t worked.

Oh, he was free alright, as free as any could hope to get. And yet he was still weighed down by guilt and the wondering thought of how bad it really would’ve been if he had just let the dreams continue.

Maybe he could’ve grown to like his soulmate.

Or more likely he would’ve just grown to resent the poor boy even more.

His thoughts were torn. He just wanted some coffee to put off sleep and dreams a little longer and a good distraction - preferably an exciting new adventure.

“Um, sorry to bother you.”

Snufkin paused his playing and opened the flap of his tent to see a furry white creature about his size - though a little rounder - standing just to the side of the opening with a pack on it’s back, looking back at a Mymble-child and kangaroo-like creature a little further down the path.

“Hello there!”

The Probably-A-Moomin-But-Possibly-A-Snork startled at Snufkin’s cheerful greeting and turned to face him.

“Greetings fellow travelers.” Snufkin continued. “You wouldn’t by any chance have any coffee, would you?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's a catastrophe coming and Moomin's determined to find out all he can about it

“Today I’m here, tomorrow who knows where I’ll be.”

The boy’s words rang through Moomin’s head. He’d heard something very similar once before. He quickly changed the subject to distract himself from the memories. He didn’t like to think about them all that much.

“Well we’re on our way to the observatory to find out about the catastrophe that’s about to occur.”

“Oh right, I heard a rumor about a comet that’s on it’s way. Is that what you meant?”

“A comet??”

It worked.

As the traveler made himself some coffee and told them about the comet, Moomin became completely absorbed in the conversation - imagining what the comet would look like and admiring the boy’s knowledge.

When Snufkin offered to share his tent for the night and to guide them to the observatory in the morning Moomin was ecstatic, though he tried his best not to show it.

~~

The trip up to the observatory had been very eventful and had given Moomin a great deal to think about.

Snufkin was a very patient guide. Even with Sniff’s constant complaining and his run-in with the giant lizard, Little My’s… _Little My-ness_ , and all of Moomin’s questions. And he seemed to know so much about everything! People, places, the stars. Moomin was in awe of him.

Moomin very much wanted to be his friend. Though he wasn’t sure what he had to offer that could get someone like Snufkin to want to be friends with plain old him.

Then there was everything with the ankle bracelet they’d found and what Snufkin had told them about it’s owner. And her brother.

After Snufkin had mentioned that Snork was likely heading towards the same observatory they were, and his sister - who the bracelet belonged to - might be with him, Moomin had climbed down the cliff to fetch it, figuring the girl would probably want it back, and carrying it with him had set his mind a-wandering.

The shine of the bracelet reminded him of the pearl he’d found at the beach not that much more than a day before. And the conversation he’d had with his mamma when he gave it to her.

She tried to tell him that he might meet someone who he’d want to give it to more than her when Little My interrupted with a reminder that Moomin didn’t have a soulmate like other Moomintrolls. His mamma had responded that that didn’t mean he couldn’t meet some nice girl and fall in love, Moomins aren’t meant to be solitary creatures after all - that’s why they _have_ soulmates.

He knew his parents were worried about him. About the toll giving up his soulmate might have taken. How much it hurt him.

He knew they were probably right. He should just find a nice girl and try to move on.

Snufkin had said that Snorkmaiden was very pretty, maybe she would be nice too.

~~

When they reached the observatory, Moomin approached one of the astronomers.

At first the man mistook him for someone else, then said something about a girl who’d been talking about ankle bracelets. Moomin briefly forgot about the comet in his excitement over possibly being able to return the bracelet to Snorkmaiden. But of course his friends were quick to remind him when he returned to the group without the information they’d come for.

Sniff declared that he would try and then approached one of the other astronomers, this one on a tall platform with a very big telescope. From the bottom of the stairs up to the platform, the rest of the group watched Sniff talk to him for about a minute.

When it seemed the astronomer was going to let Sniff look through the telescope, Moomin and Little My rushed up the stairs, hoping to get to look too. Snufkin followed just behind.

Moomin tried to pay close attention as the astronomer corrected Sniff on how to look through the telescope - he didn’t want to get it wrong when he got a turn - and was startled while repeating it in his head by Sniff exclaiming in his anxious way.

“It looks like it’s on fire!”

When the astronomer responded with “It’s burning at a temperature hotter than you could ever imagine!” Moomin knew he _had_ to see it as soon as possible. He may have been a little rude in his eagerness. But the astronomer seemed excited when he said that they wanted to learn everything they could about the comet, so he figured it was fine.

As Moomin looked at the comet, Sniff put voice to the question they’d all been thinking.

“What’s gonna happen if it hits the earth? What’ll happen to us?”

Moomin was shocked when the astronomer admitted he had no idea and claimed it wasn’t in his “field of expertise”. As Little My climbed up his back to reach the telescope, Moomin confessed to himself that he’d grown maybe a little _too_ accustomed to Snufkin’s well rounded intelligence.

“Could you at least tell us when the comet might collide with us?” He asked, a little impatiently.

“Well that I can help you with!” Moomin felt a little bubble of hope rise in his chest; finally they were getting questions _answered_. “It’s almost certain that the comet will hit the earth, _that_ we can predict with great accuracy.”

Moomin was grateful when Snufkin spoke before he could, as he wasn’t quite sure he could have stopped himself from snapping at the man otherwise.

“Alright,” Snufkin had responded as if that had answered their question _at_ _all_ , “so when is this gonna happen?”

“According to my calculations, the collision will occur on August the seventh at eight forty-two pm, plus or minus four seconds.”

They all stared at him for a moment, processing, before he continued cheerfully.

“That’s right, it’s only two days away!”

_“TWO DAYS AWAY?!?”_

~~

Moomin woke to the faint sound of a voice calling for help.

He shot up and quickly made his way out of the tent, the others following close behind.

The call came again and they all began running in the direction the voice came from. Snufkin and Moomin ran next to each other with Little My just behind and Sniff trailing reluctantly after. Sniff was shouting something but Moomin ignored him, more focused on helping whoever the voice belonged to - up until a sudden tug on the rope tied around all their waists(for safety) pulled him backwards and he fell to the ground.

Sniff had run right into a tree. He’d been unable to avoid it because Moomin, Snufkin, and Little My had split around it.

Moomin shoved his guilt to the side as soon as the voice called out again. Snufkin cut the rope around his own waist then quickly moved to cut Moomin loose as well.

Moomin barely lingered long enough to hear Snufkin tell Little My and Sniff to stay before he was off again.

Soon, Moomin stumbled into a clearing and was stunned by the sight of a large vined plant attacking a couple Moomintroll-like people. He rushed to pull the nearer of the two to safety.

“Let me go, oh please! Help!”

Moomin turned to the person still wrapped in the vines at the sound of their cries. The one next to him began to shout.

“Oh no! That plant’s gonna eat my little sister!”

Moomin responded with feigned confidence as he ran toward the plant.

“Hold on to me!” He instructed as he started tugging the person out from the tangle of vines. His continued words of reassurance were interrupted by the loud voice of the first person he’d pulled away from the plant.

“Listen you, my sister is no insect!”

Moomin almost paused in his confusion. What did insects have to do with anything?

“And besides,” the yelling continued, “Snorks are extremely poisonous! Let her go right this second!”

So they were Snorks. Perhaps they were even Snufkin’s Snork friends! Of course, Moomin didn’t want to make any hasty assumptions.

And then Snufkin’s voice called out from much too close for Moomin’s comfort.

“That’s enough you dusty old potted plant! Leave her alone you smelly old mushroom munching vegetable head, do you hear me?!”

There was a pause before the Snork’s voice returned from the same direction as Snufkin’s. “You pathetic plant!” He shouted. “You’re a failure of a geranium!”

Snufkin and the Snork continued to take turns yelling insults at the plant and taunting it until suddenly it was moving _away_ from Moomin and the Snorkmaiden and _towards_ Snufkin and the Snork. Moomin took advantage of it’s distraction to quickly pull the Snorkmaiden entirely out of it’s vines.

Except for her tail.

The vine was too tightly looped around her tail for Moomin to tug her loose and trying only caused her pain. He didn’t know what to do, but he wasn’t about to just abandon her.

“Leave it to me, I’ve got it!”

Little My came leaping out of nowhere, onto the vine, and immediately bit through it. The Snorkmaiden was free.

But now the plant was no longer distracted by Snufkin and the Snork, and it was _angry._

Little My jumped it again and got caught in one of the buds at the ends of the vines. It wrapped almost entirely around her, only her head and feet poking out of the top and the bottom.

The panic beginning to seize onto Moomin’s mind was quickly cleared by a welcome voice calling his name and “catch!”. He barely fumbled the pocket knife Snufkin tossed him and immediately turned back to the plant. He felt a new - _genuine_ \- confidence fill him, now he had a (somewhat)proper weapon.

He made quick work of the vine trapping Little My. only for her to jump up and get caught again. And again.

Soon they fell into an easy rhythm. Little My gets a bud to close around her. Moomin cuts it off. Rinse, repeat.

Again and again until the plant began to retreat.

“What a performance Moomin!” Snufkin’s praise sent a pleasant, but intense, warmth through Moomin’s chest. He barely refocused on his surroundings on time to hear the Snorkmaiden call him strong.

Struggling to maintain his composure, Moomin directed his attention to berating the plant and warning it away from his friends.

After that, Snufkin introduced the Snorks to Moomin and his friends - Moomin had been right about the two being the Snorks Snufkin had mentioned before - and Moomin told Snorkmaiden about them finding her ankle bracelet.

The Snorks returned to their camp with them so Moomin could give Snorkmaiden back her bracelet, and he found himself inviting them to go back to Moominvalley with them.

It took some convincing with Snork, but eventually they both agreed.

~~

After some time, the group reached the beach. And beyond it…

Where the sea should have been was a great abyss. Large cracks stretched to the depths of the earth, and from the beach a cliff curved down and down deep.

“Moomin!” Snorkmaiden gasped. “The whole sea has dried up!”

As they all stood, processing this development, Snufkin sat down on the ground and placed his head in his hands.

“Oh, dear,” he cried, “oh, dear, the beautiful sea quite gone. No more sailing, no more swimming, no more fishing. No great storms, no transparent ice and gleaming black water reflecting the stars. Finished, lost gone!” He curled further into himself and began to cry into his knees.

“But Snuff,” Moomin responded with confusion and insensitive concern, “you have always been so happy-go-lucky. It’s dreadful to see you despairing like this.”

“I know.” Snufkin replied, face still against his knees causing his voice to be somewhat muffled. “But I’ve always loved the sea more than anything else.” He looked up at Moomin just long enough for one last statement before returning his head to it’s new residence. “This is so sad.” His voice seemed to break on the last word. And that, more than anything, caused Moomin’s heart to hurt.

He had an idea. He didn’t like it, not at all. But he knew it might help his friend and at that moment that was more important.

So he closed his eyes, took a steadying breath, and dug his mind as deep as he dared into the one topic he hated most to think about. And then, carefully, he spoke.

“Sometimes we lose the things we love. And it hurts very much. And it’s ok to hurt, to feel like you’ll never be happy again. But eventually you need to gather all your strength, stand up, and carry on.” He gingerly knelt down next to Snufkin. “We’ll wait here with you until you can.”

Distantly, he registered the sounds of the others following his example, but he kept his focus on Snufkin. They all sat in silence for a minute or ten - none of them much cared to pay attention to the time in that moment. And, eventually, Snufkin began to come back to himself. Unfurling from the tight ball he’d become and wiping the tears from his face.

A little time and a little conversation after that, he suggested they cross the dried-up sea on stilts.

It wasn’t until much later that Moomin realized he felt somewhat lighter than he had in a very long time, despite the circumstances.

~~

Moomin was overjoyed when all his new friends decided to stay in the valley - for the time being - even after the comet had passed.

He was excited to spend more time with Snufkin, getting to know the wanderer and having adventures with him. And having Snorkmaiden living so close would make starting a relationship with her much easier.

Speaking of, he needed to actually _talk to her_ about a relationship.

She definitely seemed interested - and his mamma had assured him he wasn’t reading her interest wrong - and she _was_ a very nice girl. It was just…

_Difficult._

Difficult to find the right words. Difficult to think of anyone but his soulmate in such a way.

Then he thought back to what he had told Snufkin that day by the sea, and how much less it hurt when he had the distraction of the comet, and he put the two ideas together in his head. He’d let himself be distracted by Snorkmaiden until he was ready to ‘carry on’ and really give her his heart. He did feel a little guilty for thinking of her as a distraction, but he figured eventually he would move on from his lost soulmate and it would all be fine.

That evening he took her to watch the sunset on the beach and sat in silence as he searched for the words he needed.

But, of course, his mouth decided it had a mind of its own and started the conversation before he was ready, in what he was sure was quite the wrong way.

“Did you know Moomins are supposed to have soulmates?” He fought against the instinct to wince as soon as the words were out, and waited nervously for her response. It didn’t take long.

“Supposed to?”

He figured that was as good a lead-in as he could get. He took a deep breath and braced himself to speak.

“I don’t.” Technically, it was a lie. But his parents were the only to know the truth, and he still wasn’t ready to tell anyone else. Besides, _functionally,_ it was true.

“Oh.” Snorkmaiden’s voice was laced with sympathy. And when Moomin dared to glance over, her eyes seemed sad. She continued after he looked back to the sky. The stars were starting to come out. “How will you know who to be with then?” She asked.

“Well,” Moomin shrugged and looked back at her, this time he let the look fill with meaning. “I suppose I get to choose.”

“Oh.” Snorkmaiden blinked and her eyes brightened. _“Oh.”_ This time her voice carried a breathless happiness. Her paws came up to press against her chest over her heart.

Moomin made himself smile and nod and hoped it was convincing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the rest of the fic will be a lot less taken from canon, this was just the best way for me to introduce characters to each other and establish the relationships they'll start the rest of the story with  
> ...if that makes sense


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> realizations, things said, and things left unsaid

It was autumn.

Snufkin had already stayed in the valley much longer than he had planned.

It was just that his new friend, with his endless kindness and determined understanding, reminded him a bit too much of his former soulmate. And the thought of leaving him, hurting him like he had the other, wasn’t a thought he could bear.

So he had stayed. For months. For  _ seasons. _

But now it was autumn, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stay much longer. He just had to find a way to bring it up to Moomin without hurting him.

Which is what he was  _ trying _ to do right that moment.

They were talking about his travels and he kept trying to turn the conversation in the direction he needed it to go, but he just  _ couldn’t. _

So they spoke about all the wondrous lands he’d seen. The jungles down south, the desert even further. The mountains and their great slopes. The sea and all its reaches. The sunsets and sunrises and how different they were from place to place. And yet always so similar, so familiar. Like the stars.

They spoke about the people he’d met. Hemulens and Fillyjonks. Snorks and Moomintrolls too, the ways the ones he’d met were similar to Moomin, his family, and their friends. The ways they were different. Mymbles, like Little My.

That’s where the conversation changed. Though not in the direction he’d wanted. And certainly not one he’d foreseen.

Moomin had gone a little quiet, staring into the river with a contemplative and somewhat sad expression. Then he had steeled himself and softly asked if Snufkin had ever met a wandering Mymble.

“Much like you,” he’d said, “except a Mymble.”

Snufkin had responded with a questioning sound. His heart began to beat harder, though he wasn’t entirely sure why.

Moomin continued. Slowly, carefully, not at all in his usual manner.

“When I was very young, I had a…” he paused for a moment, as if to find the right word, “a friend.” He finally settled on. “A Mymble-child.” He continued a little stronger before faltering again. “This friend, the Mymble-child, wanted to travel. More than anything, he wanted to see the world. To be free. Like you.”

And then Snufkin had a thought. A terrible,  _ awful _ realization.

Unaware of Snufkin’s inner turmoil, Moomin again continued.

“I just wondered if perhaps you’d met him. I wanted to know if he’d done it. If he’d managed to see the world like he’d always wished to.” He smiled a sad, but unmistakably fond, little smile. “I’d be awfully happy for him if he had.”

And  _ oh. _ That hurt. A sharp pain in his chest had Snufkin desperately blinking back tears before Moomin -  _ the _ Moomin - could see them.

When he felt he could speak without giving anything away, Snufkin responded softly.

“I believe I have met the Mymble you’re referring to.” The hope in Moomin’s eyes at that was another stab to Snufkin’s heart. “And, to answer your other question, yes. He did manage to live his dream. His wish. To see the world.”

_ I did.  _ He didn’t say.  _ I have. _

And when Moomin smiled his bright smile and said simply, “I’m glad.”

Well… 

Nobody needed to know how Snufkin’s heart stuttered.

~~

When the needed conversation - the one about Snufkin leaving - finally happened, it wasn’t Snufkin who brought it up at all. In fact, it was Moomin. To the surprise of all involved, aside from Moomin himself. Which is to say, to the  _ great _ surprise of Snufkin. Who had somewhat expected the whole thing to be something of an undertaking.

Though after the revelations from the one attempt, perhaps he shouldn’t have been so surprised.

Moomin had apparently noticed Snufkin’s increased restlessness and had come to the correct conclusion that he needed to leave.

He brought it up one peaceful day in late fall while the two sat in silence by the river in front of Moominhouse. The stillness of the afternoon was broken by Moomin’s blunt and simple question.

“You need to leave soon, don’t you?” When Snufkin just looked at him in shocked confusion Moomin continued. “You’ve been getting fidgety like my old Mymble friend used to. He always said it was the wanderlust.” He laughed a bit fondly. He always seemed to get exceedingly fond on the rare occasion that conversation turned to his old Mymble friend. The one he still didn’t know was sitting right next to him.

Of course, he couldn’t be blamed for not figuring it out. Snufkin had grown more into the Mumrik half of his parentage since their shared dreams had stopped. Whereas Moomin was still exactly the same, just bigger.

Moomin continued softly. “He always said it was a physical sign of his need to travel.” He looked up at Snufkin with a smile then. “You two really are very similar, I’m sure it means much the same with you.”

Snufkin found himself at a loss for words. Something inside him was screaming at him to tell Moomin the truth before he hurt him any more, but he was so  _ scared. _ He didn’t have a chance to decide what to do before Moomin spoke again.

“If you need to leave, you need to leave.” The unmistakable sadness in Moomin’s eyes and smile pulled at Snufkin’s heart. “Can I ask one thing though?”

Snufkin nodded, still unable to find his voice.

“Would you please come visit sometime?”

And oh, somehow that was worse than anything Snufkin could’ve foreseen. He wished his friend would stop putting his own happiness completely aside so readily for Snufkin. Finally he managed to choke out a few words.

“Of course I’ll come  _ back.” _ He barely stopped his voice breaking on the last word. He took a moment to compose himself before saying any more. “First day of spring, when you wake from hibernation, I’ll return.”

And Moomin’s face filling with surprised delight made the unplanned promise worth it. Snufkin knew he’d do what he could to keep his word, if only to keep that happiness in his friend’s eyes.

~~

Years came and went and a promise became a pattern. A routine of coming and going. End of autumn and beginning of spring.

And friends became  _ best _ friends.

Though Snufkin is quite sure best friends aren’t supposed to feel so terrible when reminded of their friend’s more  _ romantic _ relationships. Not that he lets himself acknowledge that feeling. At all. He’s Moomin’s best friend and if he can’t be happy for him he’ll just have to pretend he is. Even when that means lying to himself.

Besides, he had had the chance for what Moomin and Snorkmaiden had and he had given it up unthinkingly.  _ Eagerly _ even. No point being jealous when the whole thing’s his own fault.

Not that he’s jealous.

Not at all.

Snufkin doesn’t  _ do _ attachments, and certainly not romantic ones.

(Snufkin knows he’s lying to himself. What do you call returning to one place - one _ person  _ \- every spring, year after year, if not attachment?)

~~

It was the beginning of summer. Snufkin was fishing from the little footbridge in the predawn stillness; Moomin sitting in contemplative silence beside him.

Snufkin was admittedly curious what had his friend in such a pensive mood. But he knew Moomin would tell him eventually - otherwise he would’ve sat worrying in his room, not come out to join Snufkin so early in the morning.

Finally, as the sun began to peek over the horizon, Moomin spoke.

“Snufkin,” he began hesitantly, “best friends tell each other all the important things, right?”

Snufkin raised an eyebrow at the question. “What brought this on?” He asked mildly.

“Well, I…” A long moment passed as Moomin again gathered his thoughts. “There’s something… only my parents know about. A very important secret, I suppose. Though only because I’m not terribly comfortable with telling people, and I would rather nobody takes upon themselves to do the telling for me.” He looked over at Snufkin for a moment. “But I want to tell you. I already tell you everything else, it feels wrong somehow to not share this as well.”

Silence returned after that and Snufkin felt his curiosity growing. There wasn’t not much about Moomin that he didn’t already know. But again he waited, letting Moomin get there at his own pace. Though he did lean into Moomin’s shoulder briefly to show he was ready to listen whenever Moomin was ready to speak.

“I don’t know if you know this, but all Moomintrolls have soulmates that they meet in dreams, starting from a very young age.”

Snufkin felt as though someone had poured a bucket of ice-water on his head.  _ He can’t have figured it out,  _ he thought desperately,  _ could he? _

Out loud, he replied with a simple “I am aware.”

Moomin nodded. Paused yet again. Started back in from a slightly different angle.

“You remember the Mymble we talked about? The wandering one. I said he was a friend of mine when we were younger. That wasn’t…  _ entirely _ true.”

Snufkin made a soft sound of interest, relief washing over him just as suddenly as the panic had.

“He…” Moomin took in a deep breath. “He was my soulmate.” A small smile crept onto his face. “I remember our first shared dream, of course. He was so tiny, he looked almost just like Little My! Just wearing green instead of red.” A wistful sigh there. “Our dreamscape was a beautiful green hill dotted with flowers, next to a clear blue lake.” He glanced over at Snufkin. “Every soul-pair’s dreamscape is different. I think it has something to do with personality or something.”

Moomin proceeded to tell Snufkin all about the Mymble-child he had known. And how deeply he had cared for him.

Snufkin let him, his chest aching.

Then Moomin told him of this Mymble-child’s need to be free. How being someone’s soulmate was tying him down, preventing the full freedom he’d wanted.

Moomin told Snufkin of his decision to start taking herbs before bed every night to free the Mymble from their bond.

And as the sun broke from the horizon, Moomin shared the deeply conflicting feelings he had about it all. The overwhelming sadness and pain born from not having a soulmate when all Moomintrolls are  _ meant _ to. And the firm, unwavering understanding that the Mymble couldn’t help his nature any more than anyone else and that nobody deserved to be forced into a soulbond they didn’t want.

Hearing all of this made Snufkin  _ hurt _ more than he ever had before. In  _ ways _ he never had before.

_ You didn’t deserve a soulmate who didn’t want you. _ He thought, suddenly and fiercely.

Out loud, he was somewhat kinder.

“Well he sounds quite stupid to me.”

_...Somewhat. _

“Snufkin!” Moomin gasped in admonishment.

And Snufkin said, “he does. Stupid and selfish.”

And he thought,  _ I wouldn’t really  _ mind _ being Moomin’s soulmate anymore. _

And he realized,  _ I’m in love with my best friend. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joxter comes to Moominvalley

It was a late summer evening one year, the air warm and heavy with the smell of flowers and fruit, when Joxter came to Moominvalley.

Moomin and his friends were lounging on the Moominhouse veranda, soaking up the lazy atmosphere. Snufkin sat on the railing, playing a tranquil melody on his harmonica, with the others sprawled about beneath, chatting aimlessly. Moominpappa was sat at the table, supposedly trying to write but Moomin was sure he was dozing.

A cheerful “Hullo!” brought their attention to the figure in a red hat making his way up the path to the house.

Moominpappa snapped awake and jumped up when he saw the figure.

“Joxter!” He called out.

“Moomin!” the figure responded jovially and picked up a little speed.

“It’s Moomin _pappa_ now.” Moominpappa corrected him just as he reached the veranda.

“Moomin _pappa?”_ Joxter had stopped in his tracks to gasp in mock surprise, a hand clasped dramatically over his chest. “Nobody tells me _anything!”_

The both of them had a good laugh at that and then he jumped up onto the veranda and they greeted each other properly as old friends do. With an enthusiastic hug, a hold at arm’s length to see how the other has changed, and a “How have you _been?”_

Though Moomin noticed the strange man looked a little sad behind his roguish smile.

The two seemed to forget anyone else was there as they caught up on the years since they’d last seen each other. Joxter sharing his adventures, much like Snufkin did, and Moominpappa speaking of settling down with his family and writing his memoirs.

And then Moominmamma cleared her throat as she placed a fresh pitcher of lemonade on the table and Joxter stiffened up, flinching slightly when Moominpappa turned away to send a sheepish glance toward her.

But then, as soon as Moomin had noticed the change in the man’s demeanor it was gone, and he was back to being all smile and lazy movement. And Moomin put the whole thing out of his mind. It wasn’t his business, after all, and despite his natural curiosity it felt whatever it was should stay none of his business.

“Ah,” Moominpappa gestured between Joxter and Moominmamma, “Joxter you’ve met my wife, Moominmamma.”

“I have.” Joxter responded awkwardly.

Moominpappa turned to shift his vague gestures to Moomin’s direction. “And this is our son, Moomin, and his friends. Children, this,” he patted Joxter on the shoulder, “is Joxter. He’s an old adventuring buddy from my youth, and Snufkin’s father.”

_“What?”_

Everyone spun to Snufkin at his soft but emotional exclamation. He was staring at Moominpappa and Joxter with wide eyes and looked about ready to fall off the veranda railing.

“I have a _father?”_

“Of course, everyone does.”

Snufkin slowly lowered his feet to the wooden floor of the veranda and pushed off from the railing. Moomin quickly stood up and pressed his shoulder against Snufkin’s when he saw the way he was trembling.

“You knew who my father was _this whole time?”_

Moominpappa nodded. “More or less, yes.”

“Why didn’t you _tell_ me?” Snufkin’s voice broke. Moomin felt the urge to fold him into his arms and hide him away from the world, but he knew that wouldn’t help.

“Well, I assumed you knew.”

“How did _you_ know, Moominpappa?” Snorkmaiden cut in, brow raised and arms crossed.

“Snufkin looks much like Joxter did when we were younger… with a bit of his mother in there as well.”

“You know my mother as well?”

“Why yes, the Mymble,” he looked to Joxter, “right?”

Joxter nodded.

Moominpappa continued. “They were together for a time when we were younger. She’s the only person I remember Joxter ever showing any interest in, really. So there weren’t many women your mother could’ve been.”

Moomin forced himself to ignore the way Joxter stiffened again and looked down and away. Instead he focused on Snufkin’s increased shaking and irregular breaths. Seeing his friend so distressed made something in his chest hurt.

He turned slightly toward Snufkin and quietly spoke.

“Do you need some time alone to process?”

Snufkin nodded.

“Ok.” Moomin responded. “Go. I’ll try and distract them.” He walked closer to the door and continued in a louder voice. “How about we continue this inside? It’s much too hot out for such talk. And besides which, it’s almost dinner time.”

Everyone quickly agreed. Moomin held the door open while they all shuffled in and he watched as Snufkin escaped over the bridge and into the forest.

~~

Snufkin returned a little over a day later, without much fanfare. Of course, most the inhabitants of Moominvalley were quite accustomed to Snufkin disappearing for a few days for one reason or another. And Joxter seemed content to spend his first day at the house endlessly chiding Moominpappa, in a good-natured manner, for his error.

It was as if remembering Moominpappa had flaws had snapped Joxter out of the strange mood from his arrival.

But then, like usual, Snufkin’s camp went from empty one day to quietly occupied the next.

Moomin was glad that Snufkin had returned so soon and was quite eager to talk to him about the whole thing, but then he noticed a figure in a red hat sitting by the river next to Snufkin’s camp. And he knew he should give them some space and some time to talk and get to know each other and other things along those lines.

So Moomin spent the day helping around the house and in his Mamma’s garden, keeping himself busy so he wouldn’t fret too much. He wanted so badly to make sure his friend was ok, see how he was handling everything. But he could wait. He’d let Snufkin come to him when he was ready.

And again, the next day, he helped Moominmamma with the chores after breakfast and was out weeding the garden before noon. This time he worked in one further from Moominhouse - the one they’d all made for her birthday the year before - instead of the small flower beds just in front of it.

He wasn’t out there for long when Snufkin quietly joined him.

The two worked in silence for an hour or so before Snufkin finally began to speak. Moomin waited patiently during that time; he knew Snufkin well enough to tell when he needed Moomin to talk first and when he needed to think for a bit.

When he finally did speak, Snufkin started the conversation in his usual, direct way. He stated plainly that he was still somewhat upset at Moominpappa for not saying anything. That him and Joxter had talked about it - about how if Moominpappa had said something sooner they could’ve known each other longer - and that they’d both agreed that they had a right to be upset. But they wouldn’t be angry forever and not enough to affect any friendships with the family.

It was clear to Moomin, from the last thing, that Snufkin had feared that Moomin would assume the worst about the future of _their_ friendship. He knew that Snufkin sometimes worried about things like that, about things he said coming across wrong and Moomin thinking he hated him, about not being clear enough or _there_ enough, about driving Moomin away or making Moomin think _he’d_ driven _Snufkin_ away.

“He told me,” Snufkin continued, “he told me that he’d been so excited,” he laughed a little, “and a little scared, when he heard he had a son. He said that he’s been searching all over for me since he found out I existed. He wants to… to get to _know_ me.”

Moomin smiled, indescribably happy for his friend.

“He also told me about the Mymble. My mother. About how they met during his adventures with Moominpappa.  How she had dozens of kids all running around everywhere.”

Here he stopped and sat back to look at Moomin with wide eyes. “I suppose those would be my siblings.” He shook his head with a single laugh. “I never thought that I might have _siblings.”_

Moomin chuckled until Snufkin flicked some loose dirt at him and then he gestured for Snufkin to continue.

“What was she like? Did he say? Were they _madly_ in love?”

And suddenly the atmosphere changed from lighthearted to something more weighty. Moomin had a brief moment to worry whether he’d said something wrong before the thought was interrupted by a soft reply.

“No, they weren’t.” A breath. “He tried to avoid mentioning it. But when I asked, he admitted they’d only been brief distractions to each other. Mutually beneficial and nothing more. Just a… a…”

He trailed off and Moomin’s heart ached. For the second time since Joxter’s appearance, he wished he could gather Snufkin in a soft hug, safe from anything that might hurt him. Instead he shifted over to press his shoulder against Snufkin’s and gently cover one of his paws with his own.

“I…” Snufkin let out a heavy sigh. “I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it, honestly, or even how I _should_ feel.”

“Well,” Moomin mused out loud, “I think it’s perfectly acceptable to be unsure in such a circumstance. And besides, even if they don’t love each other, you know your father cares about you and wants to be in your life. That’s good right?”

“Yes.” Snufkin nodded, his lips curving up into a small smile. “That _is_ true.”

They both returned to the weeding as Snufkin detailed how him and Joxter had talked about family. What it meant to them and what they wanted it to mean going forward.

Joxter wasn’t much different from Snufkin in that he prefered to travel and didn’t much care for attachments, so for them family wasn’t going to be like the Moomins; living together in one house all year round. They would still travel and still live by themselves, but Joxter would stay in Moominvalley as long as he could stand to and would visit as often as he could, and if they crossed paths in their travels they’d take some time to catch each other up on their lives.

Moomin agreed that that plan sounded very sensible.

“And after that,” Snufkin continued with some energy, “he asked about my life so far, said he wanted to know _all_ the important things.”

Moomin grinned over at snufkin. His excitement was quite contagious.

“So? What all did you tell him about?!”

Snufkin gave a little giggle and Moomin found himself blushing at how adorable it was.

“Well, I told him about the orphanage I spent a part of my earlier years in, before I started traveling.” He whirled to face Moomin with a paw raised in mock outrage. “He had the _gall_ to compare me to _Moominpappa_ for that!”

Moomin burst into laughter at that. Snufkin feigned offense for a moment more before joining in.

Eventually, he collected himself and continued.

“Then I told him about traveling the world. Some of the more interesting things and places I’ve seen and people I’ve met.” He waved a dismissive paw through the air next to him. “And of course I told him all about meeting you and coming to Moominvalley and all the adventures we’ve had together.”

Moomin smiled down at the flowerbed. “So we’re one of the important things?” He asked, letting his smile bleed into his voice.

“Of course.” Snufkin pulled the brim of his hat down, blocking his face from Moomin’s view. “One of the _most_ important things.”

Moomin’s breath caught in his throat and his face burned and it felt like his heart was trying to beat it’s way out of his chest. His smile widened uncontrollably and he bent further over the flowers to hide it.

~~

The Moomin family invited Joxter over for his last meal at Moominhouse before leaving the valley. It was planned to be a fairly intimate celebration; just Joxter, Snufkin, the Moomin family, Little My, and the rest of Moomin’s friends - Sniff and Snorkmaiden.

Snufkin was late. Moomin knew that this was because he didn’t feel ready to say goodbye to his father just yet, but also that he didn’t want to admit it. So everyone else was under the assumption that he’d gotten distracted while out fishing.

Everyone else was already there, however. And they figured that Snufkin would arrive whenever he arrived and that he wouldn’t want them to put the whole thing on hold just for him.

They all socialized while they waited and Moominmamma cooked up a storm in the kitchen with Moomin and Snorkmaiden helping set the table. They talked about this and that - how Moominpappa’s writing was going, where Joxter might go on his travels, Sniff’s latest money-making scheme.

Eventually the topic turned to Moomin and Snorkmaiden’s relationship.

“They’ve been together for a few years now,” Moominmamma explained from the doorway, “since just after the comet, I believe.” She lifted a paw up to her cheek. “Isn’t it just _lovely?”_

"Yes, I suppose it is.” Joxter responded. “Though I assumed it was _expected_ for soulmates to stay together for very long.”

Everyone went quiet.

“Oh.” Moominmamma breathed.

“We…” Moomin started, before having to try again. “We _aren’t_ soulmates. I… I don’t _have_ a soulmate.”

“But I thought _all_ Moomintrolls have soulmates.” Joxter frowned. “Or have you been _lying_ to me all these years _Moominpappa?”_

There was pain in Joxter’s voice. Moomin heard it. Felt it. It deepened the inner wound caused by the conversation. Talking about his soulmate had grown easier with Snufkin, but the pain had never truly gone away.

It added to and mixed with the guilt over using Snorkmaiden as a distraction, _still,_ after so many years.

It ate at him. Always there at the edges of his thoughts.

It wasn’t fair to her. It wasn’t like Joxter and the Mymble who both knew and understood that their relationship was just a distraction.

He found himself wishing, as he sometimes did, that Snufkin was his soulmate. Everything was simple and easy with Snufkin.

But _that_ wasn’t fair to Snorkmaiden either. If anyone, It should be her he was wishing to be his soulmate. And it wasn’t fair to Snufkin, who wasn’t much different from Moomin’s soulmate after all, and who a soulbond would likely hurt in the ways it ties one to another.

And it very much wasn’t fair to Moomin’s soulmate. He hadn’t _chosen_ to be bound to him, and _Moomin_ had been the one to decide to take the herbs to end their dreams.

None of this was fair to _any_ of them.

Moomin was just being _selfish._

But it _hurt so much._

It swirled and built and tore him down again and again in a never ending spiral.

He couldn’t handle it.

He took one last wild glance around the room before bolting up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry  
> but don't worry, I'm pretty sure this is the worst it'll get


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and Joxter leaves Moominvalley, but not without a parting word or two

Snufkin arrived for his father’s send-off dinner just on time to see Moomin rush off up the stairs.

Startled, and not at all sure how to react, he asked the room’s occupants what had happened. Everyone began explaining all at once, adding to the confusion. But he was able to get the gist. Somehow the topic of soulmates had come up and the assumption had been made that Snorkmaiden was Moomin’s.

Snufkin felt his breath catch. Having to explain in front of all these people _why_ he’s with Snorkmaiden when she’s not his soulmate? No wonder Moomin had run off.

He felt a flare of irritation and escaped up the stairs after Moomin to avoid snapping.

Moomin was sobbing when Snufkin nudged open his bedroom door, soft and deep and _heartbreaking,_ and Snufkin slipped into the bed next to him without a word. He gathered Moomin into his arms and held him close as he cried.

Snufkin began to rub Moomin’s back gently and let his thoughts wander.

_This was his fault._

Moomin was in so much _pain_ because of _him._

All of Moomin’s current problems, _all of them,_ stemmed from that _one_ night. When Snufkin had said he didn’t want to be his soulmate and Moomin had offered to stop the dreams.

If only Snufkin had kept his mouth shut. If only he had refused the offer. If only he had told Moomin the truth as soon as he realized it. _If only._

He knew he likely wouldn’t have been happy if he’d made any of those choices, he _hadn’t_ been happy, but he wasn’t very happy _now_ either. The only difference he saw was that _Moomin_ would’ve been happy, and that would’ve been _better than this._

He should tell him the truth. That they’re soulmates, that he’s in _love_ with him. Today, tomorrow, _soon._

But.

Moomin’s with Snorkmaiden. It wouldn’t be _fair_ to just spring it all on them.

What if it ruins their relationship, their friendship? What if they resent him for it?

What if Moomin thinks he’s been keeping it from him this whole time just to hurt him? What if Moomin assumes he _still_ doesn’t want to be his soulmate and it just hurts him more? What if _Moomin_ doesn’t want to be _his_ soulmate?

What if it’s just _too late?_

All these fears whirl through his head like a great wind, but he refuses to cry, refuses to let the emotions show, because he’s supposed to be _comforting Moomin._ And he would _not_ screw that up too.

~~

Eventually Moomin had cried himself to sleep and as much as Snufkin wanted to stay, to hold Moomin through the night as well, he had known it wouldn’t be a good idea to sleep in Moomin’s bed feeling as he did.

So he had slipped away, down the ladder outside Moomin’s window and back to his tent by the river. He had curled up inside, under his blanket.

And finally, he had let himself cry.

He didn’t get much sleep. And he didn’t feel much better when morning came and the sun began to rise.

But with the sun came Joxter, stopping by to see Snufkin before he left. He settled quietly next to the fire while Snufkin made them both breakfast.

It was only after Snufkin had handed him a bowl and sat down next to him that Joxter spoke.

“I’m sorry for hurting your friend.”

“I think,” Snufkin responded pointedly, “you should tell _him_ that.” He was, _perhaps,_ still a little upset.

“I plan to, when he wakes. But I feel like I should apologize to you as well. I may not know much about how to be a good father, but I _do_ know hurting the person my son loves isn’t it.”

Snufkin nearly inhaled the bite he was taking and choked. _“How did you…?”_ He wheezed out when he finally stopped coughing.

Joxter smiled sadly. “I’m your father. I may not have raised you, but you still pine very similarly to me.”

“You?! _Pine?!”_

“Of course.” Joxter chuckled and shrugged.” what, do you expect _me_ to tell someone when I like them? Or to tell anyone at all that I like someone?”

“Well, you’re telling _me.”_ Snufkin countered.

“Yes, but you’re my _son._ Besides, it seems like you could use some advice. Or at least the reassurance that you’re not the only person to ever pine after their best friend.”

That gave Snufkin pause.

 _“Moominpappa?_ _Really_ dad?”

Joxter stared for a minute before responding. “I didn’t say anything about Moominpappa. I could’ve been talking about any of our other adventuring companions. Or someone else entirely.”

“Yes, I suppose.” Snufkin huffed a small laugh. “But, like you said, we pine very similarly.”

Joxter grumbled, good naturedly.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while after that. But Snufkin’s mind wouldn’t stop, so eventually he spoke again.

“About that offer of advice…”

“What? Not content to pine, painfully, for the rest of your life?”

Snufkin wanted to laugh, his father was very good at making everything seem a little less dire, but he wasn’t sure if he _could_ laugh about this.

“It’s a little more complicated than that.” He took a moment to consider how much to tell his father before concluding that _everything_ might be the best option. He’d been carrying it all himself for so long, it might be better to share the load - even if only for the morning.

So he told him everything. He told him about the dreams, about being Moomin’s soulmate. He told him about not wanting to be tied down by a soulmate and about Moomin taking herbs to stop their dreams. He told his father about meeting Moomin again, years later, and not recognizing him at first.

He told him about how he’d figured the truth out, about how much giving him up had _hurt_ Moomin and how much his friend still _cared_ about the young Mymble he’d known, despite the pain.

“I don’t know what to do.” Snufkin finished. “I just… don’t want him to hurt anymore.”

His father stared into the fire for a moment, tear-tracks glinting on his cheeks, before he softly whispered a response.

“I’m so sorry.”

Snufkin sighed, disappointed but not surprised.

“You don’t know what I should do, do you?” He asked.

His father laughed. “You should tell him the truth is what you should do. About your feelings for him, if not everything else.” He smiled, small and brittle. “I don’t know much about soulmates. Or at least, not the Moomintroll kind. Only what Moominpappa told me, and that wasn’t much.”

Snufkin made a questioning noise, brows furrowed in confusion. “The Moomintroll kind?”

“Mumriks also have soulmates, in a way.” His father shrugged.

_“Really?”_

He nodded. “Not like Moomintrolls do, with the dreams and the guarantee of companionship that comes with their bond. But then Mumriks aren’t much like Moomintrolls, after all. Where Moomins are very social, Mumriks are solitary.” He paused. “But all Mumriks eventually find _one person_ that they’ll always return to. The one person who feels more like an extension of themself than company to be endured. One person to whom they _let_ themselves be bound. Willingly, happily, _eagerly._ ”

Snufkin took a minute to process this.

He turned back to his father. “Yours is Moominpappa, isn’t it?”

“It was, once.” His gaze grew distant as he stared into the fire again. “I’m not so sure it is anymore.”

He looked at Snufkin with a soft smile. “The great thing about Mumrik soulmates is that they don’t have to be romantic, they can easily just be _family.”_

He glanced across the river before standing up and stretching. “Looks like the Moomins are waking up now, I better go apologize to your friend.”

“Dad!” Snufkin called before he could think.

“Yes, son?” His father asked warmly.

“I’ll see you again, right?”

His soft smile grew. “Of course.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> important discoveries and important decisions

After Joxter’s departure, all Little My and Sniff wanted to talk about was the disastrous farewell dinner. Moominmamma and Moominpappa tried to discourage the topic whenever they could and Snufkin became and expert at refusing to let the subject go on for more than half a sentence, but still they persisted.

Little My even managed to pull Snorkmaiden into it by getting her outraged at Joxter’s prying.

Moomin hated the whole thing.

Not only was it a reminder of everything with his soulmate and Snorkmaiden, but now also of how Snufkin had held him that night. How safe and  _ right _ it had felt to be enveloped in his arms. Cradled as if Moomin was the most precious thing on earth. It terrified him how much he wanted it to happen again. Preferably with less crying.

They were on the subject again when Snork visited Moominhouse to talk to Moominpappa about something.

Moominmamma had let him in and offered some tea and as he passed the sitting room something said made him pause.

“What’s that about Moomin not having a soulmate?” He asked, confusion thick in his voice.

“Well, you see,” Sniff responded, “Moomintrolls all have soulmates they meet in dreams. Except Moomin, for some reason he doesn’t.”

“We’re trying to find out what that reason is but he won’t tell us.”

“Little My!”

Snork frowned. “So he’s not Snorkmaiden’s soulmate? I always assumed.”

“Oh, so you already knew Moomintrolls have soulmates?” Sniff pouted.

“No, not at all. But Snorks also have soulmates, in much the same way.”

Moomin felt himself freeze in shock. His mind struggled to process this new information.

“So Snorkmaiden has a soulmate?” Little My asked. “What’s she doing with  _ Moomin _ then?”

“Little My!” Moominmamma scolded. She continued in a softer tone. “I think it’s quite  _ romantic, _ her choosing to be with Moomin despite him not being her soulmate.”

Moomin desperately cast about for a change of subject. Or a redirection of focus.

He barely managed to keep his voice even as he cut back into the conversation. “What about  _ your _ soulmate, Snork?”

“My soulmate?”

“Yeah!” Little My pounced on the new target. “You’ve got one too, don’t you?”

“Well, yes,” said Snork, backing towards the stairs, “they live very far away and don’t like to travel so don’t go asking when you’ll meet them cause you won’t.” His foot bumped into the bottom of the stairs and he whirled around and practically flew up them, calling down as he went. “I need to talk to Moominpappa now, it’s very important so don’t come bothering us!”

Little My stared up where he’d just been for a few moments before snorting and shaking her head. She then loudly declared that she was bored and demanded they do something more interesting than sit around talking about gross stuff like romance.

Moomin let out a small breath of relief and could swear he heard a matching sigh from Snorkmaiden.

~~

That evening, after dinner, Moomin made his way across the bridge to Snufkin’s camp. He had a lot of feelings about that day’s revelation and knew talking to his friend about it all would help. Snufkin never judged him, just patiently listened and then sometimes offered some of his simple wisdom when Moomin was done.

He settled next to Snufkin on the riverbank and stared at the darkening sky as he searched for the best place to start.

“Snorkmaiden has a soulmate.”

He felt Snufkin stiffen beside him for a split second before he responded.

“She does?”

Moomin nodded. “Apparently all Snorks do, just like Moomintrolls.”

“Oh.”

“She hasn’t said anything about them but I can’t help feeling even more guilty than I already was. What if they wanted to be with her but she chose me over them?” He turned onto his side to face Snufkin. “What if I’m  _ stealing _ her away from her soulmate? All because I wanted a distraction from the loss of my  _ own _ soulmate!”

Snufkin turned, mirroring Moomin, and took one of Moomin’s paws in his. Moomin’s heart skipped a beat. Snufkin’s face was so close, his eyes filled with so much emotion.

The guilt grew again. Here he was talking about his relationship with Snorkmaiden and at the same time wishing he could close the distance between himself and his best friend.

When he finally calmed himself enough to speak again his voice still broke.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to  _ hurt _ anyone. I never meant to hurt anyone.”

Snufkin’s grip on his paw tightened reassuringly and his other paw reached out to gently brush against Moomin’s face. Moomin realized, quite suddenly, that he was crying. He closed his eyes and let Snufkin wipe away his tears.

“I think,” Snufkin said slowly, in that thoughtful way of his, “that you should do what you feel is right.”

Moomin let out a wet giggle. “That’s not very helpful.” He tried to pout around the shaky smile.

Snufkin chuckled and rolled onto his back, paw still holding Moomin’s.

They stayed like that long into the night. Talking mostly about silly things and constellations and dreams. And in the morning Moomin helped Snufkin pack up his camp for one of his little solitary trips and saw him off with their usual soft goodbyes.

~~

Snufkin had not yet returned when Moominhouse welcomed another guest.

The family’s friend Too-ticki had briefly visited and had explained how she had come to be the caretaker of an invisible girl named Ninny and how the girl’s condition was a result of the emotional abuse she’d suffered under her previous caretaker, her aunt. She told them that she had hoped the Moomin family would be able to help.

They had, of course, welcomed the girl with open arms.

Moominmamma set up the guest bedroom and whipped something up from her grandmother’s book of remedies and Moomin and his friends took Ninny out with them every day she was there. Picking mushrooms and making flower crowns and playing games.

She had never played any of their games before but she  _ was _ very good at finding lots of mushrooms.

Snorkmaiden seemed the most eager out of them to spend time with Ninny. Sometimes she would take off with her for  _ hours _ and refuse to tell the others where they went or what they did. Little My complained about it once, pointing out that Ninny couldn’t even talk to respond to anything Snorkmaiden said.

“Well,” Snorkmaiden had responded, “she’s still nice to be around.”

When Ninny finally became visible enough to talk, she and Snorkmaiden spent even more time with just the two of them.

If Moomin were being honest, he’d say he was a little jealous for a short time. Though he felt immensely guilty for it. He didn’t think he had much right to be jealous, if any at all. He wasn’t  _ entitled _ to her attention, even though they were dating. Especially with his own split as it was between her, his soulmate, and Snufkin.

She had every right to make a friend she wanted to spend all her time with. Especially if that friend was Ninny, who definitely needed it.

Then, finally, one day while they were all at the beach Ninny regained full visibility.

As soon as she saw Ninny’s face, Snorkmaiden gasped.

“Oh, it’s  _ you!” _ She laughed brightly. “I should’ve realized! Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was scared.” Ninny admitted.

Everyone else looked between them in confusion.

“What’s going on?” Little My demanded. “Realized  _ what?” _

Snorkmaiden’s smile grew.

“Ninny’s my soulmate!”

~~

“There you are.”

Moomin turned at the sound of Snorkmaiden’s voice. He’d been sitting in a secluded field for the better part of the day, thinking about everything.

He would’ve gone and talked it all through with Snufkin but he’d already told him all his thoughts and feelings about Snorkmaiden having a soulmate. Those hadn’t changed much with her meeting her soulmate and the discovery of who her soulmate was. And the changes there were felt more like something to be talked over with Snorkmaiden before anyone else, he’d just needed to get all his words straight in his head first.

“We should probably talk, shouldn’t we?” Snorkmaiden said as she settled in the grass next to him. “We never really talked about my soulmate. I know I should’ve mentioned it to you ages ago,” she continued, “I just… I was worried the subject would be too painful for you. And now I’ve gone and made things worse.”

Moomin figured he should let her get everything she wanted to say out before adding in his own thoughts on it all, so he started picking some of the flowers around them while he waited and listened.

“I… “ She paused briefly to gather her thoughts. “This doesn’t have to change anything. I mean… I’m not going to break up with you just because I’ve met my soulmate. You know I wouldn’t do that to you, right?”

“Of course.” Moomin smiled softly at her, trying to hold back tears. She was such a kind person. But he knew they’d both just end up hurting.

He looked back down at the flowers and took a steadying breath.

“I lied to you.”

“What?” Snorkmaiden’s voice was thick with confusion.

“When we first got together. I… “ He faltered.

She rested her paw on his. “You what, Moomin?”

“I  _ used _ to have a soulmate.  _ Long _ before we met. He was a Mymble and a wanderer, like Snufkin.”

“Oh.” Her grip tightened. “What happened?”

“Nothing terrible! He just… didn’t like the idea of soulmates. Didn’t want to be tied down like that. So I started taking herbs to stop our dreams so he wouldn’t be stuck with me.”

“Oh,  _ Moomin.”  _ Snorkmaiden sounded near tears.

“It’s… I’ve somewhat come to terms with it. He couldn’t help his nature any more than the rest of us can. But it does still hurt, and I don’t like talking about it. You’re the second person outside my family that I’ve ever told, nobody else knows.”

“The first was Snufkin, wasn’t it?”

Moomin looked up to see a wry little grin on her face. He shrugged helplessly.

“He’s easy to talk to.”

“Mmm.” Her grin turned a little more knowing. Moomin narrowed his eyes at her, trying to figure out what it was she was thinking. He quickly gave up and refocused on the original topic.

_ “Anyway.” _ He paused. “It…  _ hurts. _ A lot. To give up your soulmate. It’s like… like  _ ripping _ out a piece of yourself. And you have to live with the constant question of what might’ve been different if you hadn’t made that choice. Would you be happier? Would they? The ache of missing them and the guilt for feeling that way when you’re with someone else. It’s confusing and overwhelming and there’s no proper advice to be found anywhere. Nobody who can tell you if it gets easier. Nobody who can really tell you  _ anything. _ Because every soul-pair is different so every  _ split _ is different too, the very few there are.”

Moomin was struck with the sudden realization that he was crying.

“The pain of giving up your soulmate -  _ whatever _ the reason - is  _ not _ something I’d wish on anyone. And I  _ definitely _ don’t want you to do it for my sake.”

“Moomin… I just. I don’t want to hurt you anymore than you already have been.”

He smiled sadly. He’d hoped to convince her without admitting this.

“You really don’t have to worry about that.” He whispered, closing his eyes before continuing. “I… started dating you to distract myself from everything with my own soulmate, and in the hope that I’d fall for you and stop hurting. But it didn’t really work like I’d wanted it to.”

“Oh.”

“I really  _ wanted _ to be in love with you. I just  _ wasn’t. _ Maybe I  _ couldn’t. _ I don’t really know. I  _ do _ know that you deserve to be with someone who can and will love you. Please don’t put your happiness aside for a lie.”

Snorkmaiden took in a deep breath and Moomin mentally braced for the hurt or anger.

“That’s… honestly, a bit of a relief.”

Moomin blinked in confusion.  _ What? _

“I  _ may _ have agreed to date you because I was flattered that you’d chosen me. I did  _ want _ to like you like that, and the whole thing was  _ quite _ the boost to my self-confidence. I just… “ She shrugged.

They stared at each other for a moment before bursting into loud, relieved laughter.

When he finally recovered enough to sit up, Moomin turned back to Snorkmaiden.

“So… just friends?”

She beamed and nodded.  _ “Best _ friends.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> conversations, risks, and possible mistakes

Snufkin lay on the riverbank, waiting.

He had returned from his trip a day or two before Ninny regained full visibility and had been there when everyone had learned she was Snorkmaiden’s soulmate. The beach visit had ended shortly after that and Snufkin hadn’t seen Moomin since they’d all returned home.

He’d spent the rest of the day wondering whether to go looking for Moomin, to give him someone to lean on, or simply let _Moomin_ come to _him_ if he wanted to. He wanted Moomin to come to him.

But, he also recognized that this was likely something he should talk to _Snorkmaiden_ about before anyone else. Moomin _was_ her boyfriend. Not Snufkin’s.

No matter how much Snufkin might wish otherwise.

But he knew wishing didn’t change the past and all the choices he’d made. Or the present. All he could do was hope he’d make the right choices from here on.

And at that moment the choice he’d made was to wait for his best friend to come to him whenever he finished the important conversation he was no doubt having with his girlfriend.

~~

It was early morning, the second day after the beach trip, when Moomin came to Snufkin’s camp.

He sat quietly by the fire while Snufkin made them both breakfast. His silence continued after Snufkin finished, while they ate side by side.

He set his bowl aside after a while and lay back, looking up at the sky. Snufkin couldn’t help staring at the way the sunrise colored his fur in soft pinks and golds.

“Snorkmaiden and I broke up.”

Snufkin startled slightly and his eyes snapped back to Moomin’s face.

“It was, I don’t know… unanimous? Neither of us were really in love with the other and we’re definitely gonna stay friends.”

Snufkin felt a glimmer of hope rise in his chest. Maybe he had a chance to change things, make them better.

Moomin continued.

“I’m not really sure what to do now. I don’t want to use anyone as a distraction again. I don’t want to risk hurting anyone like that, it’s not _worth_ it.” He took a breath. “But… everything with my soulmate still _hurts_. I still feel like I _need_ a distraction.”

Snufkin’s brain screamed at him to tell Moomin the truth. There was no better time. It would solve all of Moomin’s problems.

 _Just tell him. Tell him that you’re his soulmate and that you’ve changed your mind about not wanting to be someone’s soulmate. About not wanting to be_ his _soulmate._

He opened his mouth to speak. To tell Moomin everything.

“What if you find someone who knows and understands beforehand that they’re just a distraction and doesn’t mind?”

He mentally kicked himself. _You had the words right there, why’d you go so far off-script?!_

“What… what do you mean?”

Snufkin looked back down at Moomin. He was frowning, clearly confused. But even with that little wrinkle between his brows he was still so beautiful it hurt.

Before he could stop himself, Snufkin leaned down and kissed Moomin’s frown-wrinkle. Then he pressed his nose gently against Moomin’s in a Moomintroll kiss, nuzzling into his fur for the split second it took to realize what he was doing.

The panic came crashing in like a tidal-wave. He pushed himself back so hard he nearly flew. As soon as his balance returned he leapt to his feet, spun on his heel, and ran as fast as he could into the forest.

He returned in the middle of the night, only long enough to pack his stuff, before leaving the valley for the winter.

He hoped Moomin would forget what had happened by the time spring came. It wasn’t _likely,_ but still he hoped.

~~

Snufkin had been traveling for two months. Two _torturous_ months. His thoughts were constantly plagued by the fear of what might happen when he returned to Moominvalley.

Would Moomin’s reaction be worse than if he’d given him a chance to respond in the moment? Was giving him time to think about it all a bad thing? Would he be upset that Snufkin had run away?

He probably would. _Right?_

But mostly Snufkin was scared of the rejection, the pity, the ‘I’m sorry but…’. He was scared of all the small ways their friendship would never be the same.

He was _terrified_ of the awkward distance that would come between them.

No more casual hand-holding. No more staying up late into the night talking deeply about _everything,_ pressed together side against side. No more sneaking off together, no more bright unguarded smiles, no more peaceful moments on the riverbank.

No more easy friendship.

The thought made his stomach turn and his hands shake. Traveling was hard with the ever-present ache in his chest.

He hadn’t gotten very far in the months since he’d left, not nearly south enough to escape the snow.

Then one night, after drifting reluctantly into sleep, he had opened his eyes to a grassy hill next to a clear lake. He had a fishing rod in hand and Moomin sat next to him, just like when they were younger.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toot-ticki gives some much needed advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long

Moomin woke from hibernation over a month before the beginning of spring.

Just like previous winters that he’d woken during, he made himself some cocoa and, after he finished drinking it, set off for the bath-house to see if Too-ticki was there.

He found Too-ticki, and Little My, under the ice near the bath-house. Too-ticki was fishing. Moomin wasn’t sure  _ what _ Little My was doing.

Moomin joined them, careful not to fall into the freezing water.

“Oh, Moomin. You’re awake!” Too-ticki greeted cheerfully. “That makes… how many years in a row now?”

Moomin shrugged.

“Too many.” Little My said decisively. “How do you not fall right back asleep from boredom?”

He shrugged again. “I really don’t know why I keep waking up early every year. What if there’s something wrong with me?”

“There’s always been something wrong with you!”

“Oh, there’s the old Little My.” Moomin sighed. “You’ve been unusually nice lately.”

Little My let out a sound somewhere between a huff and a snort. “I couldn’t tell if you were moping more because of your break-up with Snorkmaiden or Snufkin leaving early. Teasing you about relationships is no fun if you’re actually broken-hearted and teasing you about Snufkin is no fun if you’re not actually moping about him!”

Moomin paused before responding. “Well,” he said slowly, “then I suppose you’ll be happy to learn none of my ‘moping’ has been about the break-up.”

Little My made a sound of disgust. “You mean I’ve missed out on all that prime teasing this whole time?!” She hopped up abruptly. “This is what I get for trying to be considerate. I’m gonna go skating or something.”

And with that it was just Moomin and Too-ticki.

“So…” Too-ticki started with a good-humored smile. “You were more upset about Snufkin leaving early than your break-up with Snorkmaiden?”

Moomin curled in on himself guiltily. “It’s a little more complicated than just Snufkin leaving early.”

He knew she’d ask a leading question or express interest nonverbally in that way she had that assured one that she wouldn’t press and would be fine not knowing, but also would be willing to listen without judgement. He also knew that the whole of everything was too much to cover all at once so he’d decided to set aside the topic of his break-up for the time being.

“Oh?” Too-ticki didn’t look away from where her fishing line disappeared into the water.

He took a deep breath to give himself time to organize his thoughts, but still didn’t know where to begin. So he just opened his mouth and spoke.

“He kissed me.”

_ “Oh?” _ This time she did look over, both eyebrows raised and the corners of her lips curling up into the faintest of smiles.

“He kissed me and then ran away and the next morning his tent was gone!” Moomin was mature enough to admit to himself that he was pouting. “He didn’t even give me a chance to react!”

Too-ticki turned back to her fishing. Her smile was just a little bigger.

“And how would you’ve reacted if he had?”

“I don’t know.” Moomin admitted. He crossed his arms tightly. “Not  _ badly. _ I know that much.” He considered for a moment. “At least, I don’t  _ think _ so. I probably would’ve been too shocked to react at first, actually.”

“Did you  _ want _ him to kiss you?”

Moomin threw his paws into the air. “I didn’t know it was an  _ option!” _ He exclaimed. “I mean, I never even  _ considered _ he might like me that way.”

“Do  _ you _ like  _ him _ that way?”

“Well, I… I mean,” he stuttered, his face burning, “I think so?” He rushed to continue. “I mean, I definitely want to hold him and cuddle with him and sleep next to him and just spend as much as my time with him as possible. A-and…” He buried his face in his arms and squeaked out his next sentence. “And I do find myself wishing he were my soulmate sometimes!”

He peeked over his arm to see her nod and glance over at him with a soft expression.

“So, you think…?” She asked leadingly.

“I think I’m falling in love with him.” Moomin felt the full weight of what he was saying fill him. “I think I’ve  _ been _ falling for a while now.”

~~

One night, not long after his conversation with Too-ticki, Moomin collapsed heavily onto his bed. He was so worn out from running around after Little My, trying to keep her from getting in  _ too much _ trouble, that he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He found himself dreaming of the lake and hill he used to share with his soulmate. But instead of the Mymble-child sitting in his old place on the shore, fishing rod in hand, it was Snufkin.

“Um,” Moomin sat next to him, “hi… Snufkin…?” His greeting came out as an awkward half question.

“Moomin.” Snufkin smiled at him. Something about it seemed off, like he wasn’t sure whether to be happy or nervous.

_ Or like Moomin’s subconscious couldn’t even get his smile right. _

He smiled back hesitantly. This whole dream was strange. And unfair. He was torn between wanting it to be over already and wanting it to never end.

“Are you ok?” Dream-Snufkin looked concerned.

“I’m fine!” Moomin responded automatically, smile becoming a little more firm.

He paused. This was all just a dream right? He could say anything and it wouldn’t matter. It’s not like he was talking to the  _ real _ Snufkin.

“Actually,” Moomin restarted, “I’m not. I’m not really fine. This is all…“ He gestured vaguely as he trailed off.

The smile faded entirely from Dream-Snufkin’s face. He looked pained.

“You’re not… you don’t…  _ want _ me to be your soulmate. Do you?”

“That’s not the problem.” Moomin corrected quickly. “Quite the opposite actually.”

“Oh.” His expression was a blend of stunned and a soft, overwhelmed confusion. Like his understanding of the world had been shaken. After a moment, the confusion grew more prominent. “Then what’s wrong?”

“It’s just…” Moomin gestured around vaguely. “This isn’t  _ fair.” _

“What?”

“This.  _ Dreaming _ that you’re my  _ soulmate.” _ His voice broke slightly and he tried not to cringe.

A look of understanding spread across Dream-Snufkin’s face.  _ “Oh.” _

Moomin sniffled, blinking back tears, and nearly jumped when he felt the weight of a shoulder pressed against his own.

“Let’s ignore all that then.” Dream-Snufkin spoke gently, falling to lay on his back. “No lake or hill, no soulmate dreamscape, just us and the sky.”

Moomin huffed out a wet laugh and joined him.

They spent until Moomin woke again cloud-watching and talking about the sun and stars and what it might be like to travel through the heavens.

~~

For most of the next day, Moomin couldn’t stop thinking about the dream. Too-ticki obviously noticed his distraction but, of course, let him choose to tell her about it or not, and when.

Eventually he did tell her, later in the day after Little My had gotten bored and wandered off.

“What do you think it means?” He asked when he was done sharing everything. “Me dreaming about Snufkin being my soulmate?”

“What do  _ you _ think it means?” She responded, glancing at him from the corner of her eye with a raised brow.

Moomin thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know… at first it felt like it was my subconscious punishing me for wanting Snufkin to be my soulmate, or something like that.” The more he spoke, the more confident he felt in what he was saying. “But then I started to - I don’t know -  _ forget _ all of that. All the guilt and worry and pain an-and  _ everything. _ And it wasn’t the first time. It happens often with him, sometimes even when we’re talking  _ about _ my soulmate.”

He paused to breathe and think some more and looked over to see her smiling softly.

“He’s more than just a distraction.” He whispered, the realization filling him with wonder. “I’m not  _ falling _ for Snufkin, I’m  _ already in love with him.” _ Another pause. “What should I do now?”

Too-ticki’s smile grew, creasing the corners of her eyes. “You should tell him.”

“Tell him?”

“When he returns in the spring. Don’t hesitate, don’t under-exaggerate, just tell him plain and simple exactly what you told me. He’s already shown  _ you _ how  _ he _ feels, now it’s your turn.”

“Oh.” Moomin smiled, giddy. “You’re right!”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moomin and Snufkin finally talk

Snufkin returned to Moominvalley in the spring, as always. A standing promise he’d never willingly break.

He knew he should tell Moomin the truth, but he was still just a little scared. Not of rejection, exactly, but more of Moomin not believing him.

Their interactions on his first day back were filled with a soft hesitance. Awkward and cautious, but steeped in gentle longing. That evening, sitting by the river as the sun set after exchanging tales of all their winter adventures, Moomin told him about the dream.

He paused a moment when he finished his story, before shakily continuing.

“After, I realized that for a while I’d forgotten all the pain from giving up my soulmate. And that it wasn’t the first time, that I’ve been forgetting it all more and more when I’m with you.”

Snufkin felt his heart skip a beat and tears start to fill the corners of his eyes.

“You’re more than just a distraction,” Moomin said quietly, “I think you always have been.”

Snufkin’s breath hitched. His chest felt like it was filling with light.

Moomin’s voice went softer and lower as he continued. “I want  _ you. _ I want to be with _ you, _ not my soulmate. I love you.” It came out as barely more than a breath. “I’m  _ in love with _ you.”

The first tear slipped down Snufkin’s cheek as a small smile fought its way onto his face. He took a steadying breath; there was no better time than now.

“I need to tell you something.” He began. “I’ve been keeping something from you.”

Moomin tilted his head and made a soft noise of curiosity.

“We… I…” He started over, “It wasn’t just a dream.”

“What?”

“The dream over the winter, it was real. A  _ soulmate _ dream. We’re soulmates.”

_ “What?” _ Moomin’s brows furrowed. He looked a little lost.

“I know this is probably-“

“I do  _ want _ to believe you.” Moomin interrupted, insistent. “I’m just…”

“Scared?” Snufkin finished for him, understanding.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Snufkin smiled softly. “You don’t have to believe me. We love each other, that’s what matters.”

The anxiety melted off Moomin’s face, replaced by a hesitant smile.

“Besides,” Snufkin continued, “whether or not we’re Moomintroll soulmates, we’re definitely  _ Mumrik _ soulmates.”

“Mumrik soulmates? I didn’t know Mumriks had soulmates.”

“Neither did I, until this summer.” He replied. “My father explained them to me before he left. A Mumrik soulmate is… like… the person you always return to. Always. Because they’re a part of you.” He smiled softly. “That’s what you are to me.”

“Oh.” Moomin’s face gentled and his smile grew, until he was glowing brighter than he ever had before.

~~

A few days went by of them carefully testing the new edges of their relationship - it wasn’t much different from before, aside from the kissing and cuddling - and Little My teasing them endlessly, which she insisted was her responsibility as Snufkin’s big sister.

And then Moominpappa’s Aunt Jane visited.

She overheard a conversation about Moomin and Snufkin’s relationship and cut in to mention, in an almost absent way, that soulmate dreams exist for a  _ reason. _ She went on to describe how they provided a closeness otherwise unachievable - rendering any distance insubstantial and allowing those who share them to continue to be together even in hibernation.

And Snufkin watched Moomin mentally steel himself.

~~

That night, when Snufkin fell asleep, he found himself on a familiar shore with a familiar fishing-pole in hand.

And he heard a wonderfully familiar voice call out his name in that special way that says, clear and bright, ‘I’m so happy to see you!’

And he smiled in his own special way, and cast the fishing-line out into the lake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's so much shorter than the other chapters, I couldn't get the middle scene any longer


End file.
